Our little operation was started by our 5,000 year old Egyptian brew making (and drinking!) sensation - Blundar Akmewontmune - in the bustling burg of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Blundar realized that while there are many great beers offered in the world, none gave immortality*. With the backing of local investor Jeremiah Neutron, Neutron Breweries was incorporated in July of 2001 and production facilities were completed in January of 2002.

Many people are now enjoying our fine products and suprisingly, the most common question we've been asked has been:

"How can I drink lots and lots of beer without having to take a piss or get drunk?"

Pyramid Brewed Beer®...
"It goes through you without going through you"

Yes, with our specially brewed beer you'll never get too drunk or too full. Our beers are brewed with our patented Molecular Organization Realizing Organic Nothingness process to bypass the normal bodily functions used to process regular beers. Our brewery uses Blundar's secret Individual Dynamic Insulating Organics Technique to create beers that go way beyond conventional offerings...

The second most asked question was:

"How does this immortality thing work?"

Well, naturally that's a secret and there are certain conditions that must be followed in order for immortality to be achieved. However, we like to say, "The proof is in the Blundar pudding." Blundar is a genuine 5,000 year old Egyptian and we have the historical evidence to prove it. Well known Christian Evangelists Jerry Liewell and Rat Pobertson have both attested to the veracity of Blundar's claims and have even gone on record as saying, "We wish we'd met Blundar before Jeremiah did." If that isn't proof enough for you, well then, we're just plain sorry.

One of our biggest customers is, in fact, an extraterrestrial currently visiting our fair planet. Blortnok Gribbiloo hails from a star system 5,000 light years towards the galactic center and 17,000 light years clockwise on a sister arm of the Milky Way. Blortnok came all that way just for our beer!!! Talk about a testimonial. So hey, we're lean, we're mean, we're here and we make great beer!
We're Neutron Breweries.

*1,000 litres must be consumed every thirty day period or immortality will not result.
Beer causes severe dependency problems in laboratory tests.

All content copyright © 2002 by Theo Nelson